I Only See My Nightmares
by Isilarma
Summary: They say that being able to see the future is a blessing. Rowena knows that the truth is often very different. Sometimes the future is better left unseen. Part of the Tales of the Founders series.


**I Only See My Nightmares**

**Isilarma**

**Hey everyone, this one is set ten years after Hogwarts has opened, but about nine months before 'Waiting and Hoping.' I haven't written for just these two before, but I hope you enjoy it.**

**On a side note, I have finished the first chapter of 'Strange Visitors,' and will try to post that within a week.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter and am not affiliated with Bloomsbury or Scholastic Inc. The title is taken from a quote from the Heroes episode '1961,' and I do not own that either.**

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They were never clear. Sometimes it was possible to make out a name, a face, but often it was vague, all clouded shapes and muffled voices, acts and symbols that could be interpreted a dozen different ways. They were always accurate, but too often they were unable to decipher the message before it was too late. It was at times like that that Rowena wished she was not a Seer. But sometimes being able to recognise the figures was little better.

Tonight was one of those times.

Rowena sat bolt upright in bed, her chest heaving as she sucked in breath. She felt dampness on her cheeks and had to fight back more tears as the details of her dream came flooding back. The situation was not unusual in itself, they had all had nightmares like that, but Rowena's dreams were different. The things she saw would come to pass, and there was nothing any of them could do to prevent it.

It was at times like this that Rowena missed Robert the most. Theirs might have been an arranged marriage, but they had grown to care for each other nonetheless. Indeed, they had turned out to be well suited. Her visions had always made her family uneasy, but Robert had never had such misgivings. He had always known when to speak and when to hold her, and his steady presence had eased the burden of the knowledge she carried. But Robert was gone.

Rowena sighed and pulled back the bed sheets. Slowly she stood crossed to the window, selecting an outer robe from the chair as she passed. There was no point in trying to rest again; a rest without nightmares would be impossible after that. Talking about it would help, but it had been a long day and she was reluctant to disturb any of the others. Suppressing another sigh, she reached instead for her harp.

Her fingers trembled on the strings at first, but just the feel of the instrument was enough to calm her. Rowena had loved music ever since she was a child; playing had helped to soothe her whenever she was upset or concerned, and when the visions started, it was one of the few things that allowed her to relax. A haunting melody soon filled the room as he fingers moved unconsciously over the strings. Her music often reflected her mood. Rowena closed her eyes, finally beginning to relax as she purged the pain and fear of the past few minutes.

After a few minutes, she let out a long sigh. Now that she was calm enough to think clearly, she could not help but think back to her dream. The first part was not difficult to decipher, but that did not mean it was any less horrifying. Helga was her closest friend, and the thought of her being hurt made Rowena physically ill. And Salazar... She could count on one hand the number of times she had heard him cry out. The music faltered for a moment. Two of her friends, practically family by now, were going to be hurt. Possibly even killed. For the first time in years, she missed a note.

And it seemed that Salazar and Helga were not going to be the only ones in trouble. Rowena knew that Godric was an incredible warrior, one of the best in the country, and when the awen was upon him he was practically unstoppable. She had seen him hold his own against a huge range of opponents, seen him snatch victory from defeat time after time, but this creature... She didn't know what it was, but it was powerful. More powerful than anything any of them had ever faced. And if Godric fought, Rowena could not believe that he would prevail. Not this time. A tear rolled down her cheek. She refused to let them all die, but the vision had been so vague. There was no way of telling how, why or even when the events would happen. All she knew was that it would happen, and there was nothing she could do.

A soft knock on the door startled her from thoughts and she frowned, despair momentarily forgotten. Who else would be awake at such an hour?

"Rowena? Are you all right?"

Of course.

"Come in, Salazar."

She released the wards on the door with a flick of her fingers and it swung open. Salazar entered slowly, pausing just inside the doorway. Despite the late hour, he was fully dressed. His sharp eyes darted round the room, narrowing as they landed on the instrument in her hands.

"Trouble sleeping?"

Rowena sighed. "How did you know?"

"I heard you. Excellent as ever."

Rowena raised an eyebrow. "Through a layer of Silencing Charms?"

A ghost of a smirk flickered across Salazar's face. "Or Hogwarts might have told me." The smile faded. "A nightmare?"

"A vision," said Rowena quietly. She glanced away. "Not a pleasant one."

There was a faint tap of wood, then a hand rested on her shoulder. "Would you like to talk about it?"

Rowena almost smiled. Seventeen years ago Salazar would have been the last person she would confide in. But they had both changed since then.

"I would appreciate that."

Salazar nodded. Waving a hand, he Conjured a chair opposite her and eased himself down. Rowena frowned, her attention diverted by the dark shadows under his eyes.

"Are you sure you don't need rest yourself? You look exhausted."

Salazar shook his head. "I never sleep very much. Now," he leaned forwards, "tell me about this vision of yours."

Rowena took a deep breath. The last thing she wanted was to relive those images, but Salazar's quiet presence leant her strength.

"It started as usual," she said softly. "Lots of figures fading and reappearing, but I couldn't recognise any of them. Then the screaming started."

Salazar frowned. "Screaming?"

Rowena nodded. "I couldn't see anyone. There was just a voice that kept going..." She broke off with a shiver.

"Did you recognise it?" His voice was carefully controlled, but Rowena caught the tension in his shoulders. Slowly she nodded.

Salazar's jaw tightened. "Was it one of us?" He correctly interpreted her silence. "Please tell me it wasn't Helga."

"It wasn't." In any other circumstances she would have smiled at his unveiled concern, but this was not the time. The pure relief on his face was just too much.

"Sal..." She trailed off, unable to voice the words, but Salazar understood. He said nothing, but Rowena had known him long enough to be able to read the silence. She saw his eyes widen in shock, and the shock flicker to fear. He knew what this meant. After a moment, he let out a long sigh.

"Very well. Please continue."

Rowena stared at him. "Salazar-"

"Rowena, I am fine," he said quietly. "Nothing has happened yet."

"But for you to do that-"

"I know." He looked down. "Believe me, I know. But at least it was not one of the others."

The reply was so typically Salazar that Rowena found it impossible to reply around the lump in her throat. They would all do almost anything for each other, but sometimes it was easy to forget how little Salazar valued his own life. He had improved over the years, especially since they met Helga, but sometimes, when one of them was in danger... Rowena suppressed a shiver. One day he would give too much.

As if sensing her distress, Salazar leaned forwards and took her hand. "It has not happened yet," he repeated. "And I have endured pain before. I will do so again."

His tone conveyed only absolute certainty, but the memory of those screams was difficult to forget. He didn't give her a chance to comment though.

"So what else did your vision show?"

Rowena closed her eyes as the images flooded her mind. Helga. She briefly considered staying silent, but Salazar knew her well enough to know when she was holding something back.

"Rowena?"

She opened her eyes and managed a small smile at the open concern in his silver eyes, but she couldn't make it stay. She took a deep breath.

"I recognised the next figure." She hesitated a moment before taking the plunge. "It was Helga."

Salazar's entire body stiffened and Rowena heard the crack of his knuckles as they tightened on his staff. "Go on." His voice was barely above a whisper.

Rowena swallowed. "She... she was injured. Bleeding." Her voice trembled as she spoke. Salazar was like a statue.

"She smiled at me and then she faded. I... I don't..." She found it impossible to finish and had to blink away fresh tears. Not knowing whether or not her friend survived was tearing her apart, but that much blood did not bode well.

A sudden gust of wind sent the window swinging outwards, jolting a couple of panes loose as it snapped against the wall. Rowena's attention immediately returned to her friend.

"Salazar!"

He hadn't moved, but at her cry his eyes flickered to hers, and she couldn't help but flinch at the power that crackled around him. "Salazar, calm down!" For a moment she wondered if she could call Godric, he was the only guaranteed to get Salazar's attention in this state, but to her relief, Salazar was able to control himself. The wind died and the curtains lay still, but the wizard wasn't anywhere near relaxed.

"Was it serious?"

"Salazar-"

"Tell me."

It was impossible to resist when he used that tone. "There was a lot of blood," Rowena admitted. "But I couldn't see the wound itself. I'm sorry."

Salazar closed his eyes. "It is not your fault." He sighed and looked up again. I apologise for the window."

Rowena shook her head. "Understandable, and easily fixed." She waved her hand and the glass flew back into the panes. The routine task helped to settle her.

"She may survive."

"She will." Not for the first time that night, his voice rang with utter certainty. "We all will."

Rowena closed her eyes. "I'm afraid that is not all."

Salazar stared at her. "There's more?" His eyes darkened abruptly. "Godric?"

Rowena just nodded. This was too much to bear. How could she tell him that his brother in all but name might be forced to endure so much?

A soft pressure on her fingers woke her from her thoughts, and she glanced up to find Salazar's gaze fixed on her. His expression softened noticeably.

"I know this is difficult," he said gently. "But the four of us have faced such trials before. Whatever you Saw, we can face it together."

For the first time since waking, a true smile flickered across Rowena's face. "I have not forgotten."

"Then tell me what we must prevent."

The smile faded as quickly as it had come. "It is not that simple, Salazar. I See events, people, but the causes... They are hidden from me. I do not know how or when these things will come to pass." Her voice dropped to a whisper. "Don't you see? We cannot prevent this."

Salazar's grip on her hand tightened slightly, but he kept his voice level. "Then we will prepare for it. But to do that, we have to know what is going to happen. Please."

Rowena sighed. Knowing her friends wanted to help and believing they could were two very different things. But she couldn't keep this knowledge to herself.

"He had been fighting," she whispered. "There was blood on his sword and he had entered the battle awen."

She saw Salazar swallow at that. The battle trance only ever came when the situation was truly desperate.

"I see. Then what happened?"

Rowena let her gaze lose focus as she remembered. "There was a creature. A monster. He tried to fight it."

Salazar frowned at her. "We have fought magical creatures before," he began, but Rowena shook her head.

"This was no dumb beast. It was old. Very old and very powerful. And full of hatred." She shuddered and looked up. "We have never faced anything like this," she said softly. "I do not know if we can."

Salazar's face was like stone. "You couldn't tell what it was?"

Rowena sighed. "I couldn't see it clearly. All I could feel was its power and its anger." Another shudder wracked he body. "Salazar, this being... It hates all light, all life, with every part of its being, and that hate was directed solely at Godric. When he attacked, it responded with such rage..." Her voice broke and she turned away. She couldn't lose Godric too.

She heard a faint tap as Salazar leant his staff against the wall then took her other hand. "Godric is a formidable warrior," he said quietly. "And never more so than when things are most desperate. He may be stronger than you think."

Rowena didn't reply. His words were true enough, but the power of the creature had left her with little hope.

"You did not see him fall," Salazar pointed out.

"But I did not see him survive! Or Helga, or you." Tears spilled down her cheeks and she didn't try to stop them. "What is the use of a Seer who cannot protect those closest to her?"

Salazar hesitated only a moment before gathering her into his arms. He did not speak, but held her through the storm of weeping, and Rowena clung to him with everything she had. Seeing the future was thought to be a gift, but to see the suffering of her loved ones and be unable to prevent it? That was too much to bear.

The tears stopped after a few minutes, but Rowena continued to ling to Salazar's thin frame. She came from a family where displays of physical affection were rare, and she had inherited that reticence herself, but sometimes it was good to know that there was someone there. Salazar remained silent, for which she was grateful. Meaningless platitudes were not what she needed. She was slightly surprised at his patience; he was as wary of physical contact as she was, though for very different reasons.

After a moment though, she gave a long sigh and stepped back.

"Thank you," she murmured.

Salazar nodded, but continued to study her. "Are you sure you are all right?"

Rowena nodded. The gesture had been very welcome, but she could see how uncomfortable he was.

"I will be."

Sure enough, there was a brief flicker of relief in Salazar's eyes as he returned to his seat. "Very well." He fixed her with a piercing look. "But the problem remains."

Rowena's shoulders slumped. "What can we do about it? I didn't see anything that could tell us when or why these things will happen."

Salazar frowned at her tone. "This is not hopeless," he said firmly. "There has to be something." He thought for a moment. "What of our appearance? Did it look like we had aged much?"

Rowena shook her head. "No," she said slowly. "But that tells us little. None of us have changed much over the past few years."

"Then that is still a help. At least these events will take place in the relatively near future."

"That is not reassuring," Rowena snapped. She sighed. "My apologies. It has been a long night." She sighed again and turned away. "I just feel so useless," she whispered.

"You are not useless," said Salazar sharply. "It is thanks to you that we have some warning of what will happen."

"But I should have seen more! I should have seen something that will let us prevent this."

Salazar frowned at her. "Rowena, you know the Sight comes and goes at will. No Seer has ever been able to control it. You cannot blame yourself." She didn't reply and his eyes narrowed. "Rowena, this is ridiculous."

"Is it though?" she murmured.

"Yes! It is like saying that Godric should be able to enter the awen whenever he wishes: not possible."

Rowena scowled. "We are two of the most powerful mages in the country," she muttered. "We should be able to control our own gifts."

"Not all magic can be controlled. You know that."

"You can," she shot back. "You summon storms and speak to snakes at will. Helga can Heal whenever she wishes." She looked away. "Whereas I get broken fragments of things that have not yet come to pass, but not enough that I can act on what I See. What good is such a gift?"

Salazar shook his head. "Have you forgotten all the good your visions have done?" he asked softly. Rowena opened her mouth, but he didn't give her the chance to argue. "It was on your recommendation that Godric visited Rome all those years ago. It was you that suggested I visit the village where I met Helga. The four of us would not have come together if not for your 'broken fragments.' And what of all the Muggle-borns you have helped us to save? The disasters you have allowed us to prevent? Do they mean nothing?"

"Of course not," she whispered. "But there were so many others."

"No one could See everything, Rowena." His eyes narrowed when she didn't reply. "You have done everything you could." His voice softened. "And what of the most important?"

Rowena blinked at him. "What are you talking about?"

A gentle smile touched his lips. "It was you who Saw Helga's dream become a reality, that a school for magical youngsters could survive and prosper. Your conviction that convinced Godric, and eventually me as well." He laid his hand on hers. "I know that your gift is a difficult one," he said quietly. "But I beg you; never forget the good that you have Seen. For we never will."

Rowena found it impossible to speak as Salazar's words struck home. Often she felt like she was failing her friends by not being able to See more often and more clearly, often she wished that she had never been cursed with such power. Sometimes it was too easy to be overcome by the tragedies that would befall them. She had Seen friends perish and enemies thrive, and too often she had been unable to do anything about it. At times like that, she truly hated her Sight.

But Salazar had reminded her that often she had been able to use the knowledge she was given. Sometimes she was able to divert people in the right direction, or forestall a tragedy. Sometimes she had been able to help the people she cared about. And sometimes, just sometimes, she had Seen a better future. A future that inspired her to better herself to bring it about. A future that gave her hope.

Slowly, she looked up to meet Salazar's burning gaze.

"I will never forget," she said quietly. "But I may not always remember."

Salazar's smile widened ever so slightly. "Then we will be there to remind you," he promised. "Do not blame yourself for what you do not See. What you do is enough."

Rowena shook her head. "You still think so? Even with all I Saw this night?"

"Even a little warning is better than none at all," Salazar pointed out. "We will face this danger when it comes and we will overcome it." His eyes hardened. "And we will not lose anybody in the process."

Rowena bit her lip. Salazar's determination was infamous, but the memory of those screams was difficult to avoid.

Salazar sighed and reached into a pocket. "Here." He handed her a vial of Dreamless Sleep Potion. "I think you could use this tonight."

Rowena accepted the vial with a grateful smile. Salazar's potions were renowned for their efficiency. Considering he tested them on himself, they had to be.

"Thank you." She covered a yawn with one hand, shooting a longing glance at the bed. It had been a long day and she had a full day of classes ahead of her.

Salazar had evidently had the same thought. "I will leave you to get some rest then." He picked up his staff and began to ease himself to his feet.

Rowena stood too, stretching out her stiff muscles. "Your company was appreciated tonight," she said quietly. "Thank you."

"It was the least I could do." He glanced at her as he banished the conjured chair. "When will you tell the others?"

Rowena flinched at the thought, but Salazar's expression brooked no arguments. "I'll tell them after classes tomorrow."

Salazar's eyes softened. "Good." He began to make his careful way across the room. At the door he paused and looked back.

"Do not worry about the future," he said softly. "We will do what we can. That has always been enough in the past."

Rowena managed a small smile. "Indeed it has. Good night, Salazar."

"Good night, Rowena." He smiled at her and shut the door behind him.

Rowena's smile slipped from her face almost immediately. She locked the door with a wave of her hand and settled her harp back into place, but her mind was still occupied with the events of the past hour. Salazar's words were wise, but those images still burned in her brain.

Rowena shook herself as she returned to bed. Salazar had certainly been right in one thing; there was nothing to be gained by worrying about what was to come. She swallowed the potion and lay back. It seemed Salazar had made yet more improvements. Barely a minute had passed before she slipped into a deep sleep where, this time, no visions would disturb her.

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**Please let me know what you thought.**


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